?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Could be. - You don't know me. — LiveJournal [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
randomposting

[ website | The Realm of Randomia ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Could be. [Jul. 20th, 2005|12:24 am]
randomposting
[mood |predatorypredatory]
[music |Just Like You]

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
linkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: tessmc
2005-07-19 11:48 pm (UTC)
I am so sorry, hun. Its a horrible thing to go through, and it leaves so many things unsaid and unanswered. You feel like maybe if you would have just done one thing differently you could have made a difference.

The thing is is that we DO make a difference in people's lives, and that they are safe now. Its hard on Mike because its his Mom, but it seems like I'm taking it pretty badly too because she's more like my chosen Mom. I've gotten to the point here lately that I would be sad if my own mom died, but maybe for about 10 minutes. Its awful, but here lately the things that my family have said and done to me and my kids has just been unimaginable. With everything that they have done to me in the past, plus this, its time to cut them out.

So yeah, we're both taking ehr illness very hard but in different ways. Stress can do some terrible things to you.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: randomposting
2005-07-20 12:01 am (UTC)
It is terrible. It's amazing when you're able to have time with them though to say goodbye. My Mom died of a sudden heart attack, so I didn't have that option, and I think of and wish at the least twice an hour that I had gone to see her the day before she died.. done something with her. Hugged her one last time. Told her I loved her... and it b reaks my heart anew every time. I don't know what's worse... suffering for a long time and being able to make peace, and let those who love you have time to make it clear to you that they do.. or just dying and not hurting. I really don't.

And I'm so sorry. I'm very blessed to have had amazing parents who almost always supported me in anything.. and I always feel so bad when people don't have that. We really do have the option of creating our own family though, so I understand what you mean about your 'chosen" mother. Many of my friends have "chosen" my parents as their own too.

*hugs* I wish I knew qwhat to say to give you better support darling, but I trust it'll get better. It has too.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
From: (Anonymous)
2005-07-20 10:33 am (UTC)
Let me explain this to you. Watching someone suffer like this is not making peace. Its being very quiet and not letting them see how badly you are hurting because you worry how they will react. Its knowing that every touch or comment could be your last, but you want to show them false optimism. I would give anything to have one normal day with her again, one day that isn't tainted with worry. Is she going to eat like she says that she is? Is she keeping it down or not? Is she bleeding again and not telling us? Just one normal day of hugging her and not feeling every bone in her body or worrying that you might break something just by squeezing a little too hard.

No one gets the picture perfect goodbye. Who would really want to? How would you feel if you had that chance and had to tell your Mom "Good-bye"? Good-bye is final, its the end. Its turning around and walking away and knowing that that thread is cut. Its severing ties. Its not a cheerful "Bye" from the phone, but a full understanding of completion.

I think that you not syaing goodbye to your Mom is more important. There is no ending to the love that you have for her, and she knew that. Now it isn't goodbye, but "see you when I get there". We all feel that our hugs and words mean so much and without them we wouldn't know that we were loved. The major good thing that has come out of this, is the fact that actions mean so much more. Intentions mean so much more.

Case in point, someone from AAA called Mike on his cell phone for roadside assistance. Mike hadn't called anybody, so he immediately thought that it was me. He called me immediately after getting on the phone to check and see if I was ok. Once again, not normal for someone who once claimed that he didn't love me.

These actions are what people see and know that they are loved. Your Mom knew that you loved her, and you Know that your Mom loved you. You don't need a goodbye, hun. My guess is is that you really don't feel that she's gone anyway.

*hugs* It seems like we can both cheer each other up:)
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: randomposting
2005-07-21 01:58 am (UTC)
*hugs* In truth though, I know a goodbye would have helped, because as it was.. I got a call on the phone from my Grandma who had found her dead. I don't feel well enough to talk about it anymore, but I promise that I would have rather had one last opportunity, with the knowledge that it was the last time too hug her and tell her I love her.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: tessmc
2005-07-21 08:15 am (UTC)
That's so hard!

*hugs*

Don't let it eat you up inside, though. I know that's easier said than done.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: randomposting
2005-07-21 08:20 pm (UTC)
Much. Much, easier said then done, unfortuantely.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: tessmc
2005-07-20 10:33 am (UTC)
Let me explain this to you. Watching someone suffer like this is not making peace. Its being very quiet and not letting them see how badly you are hurting because you worry how they will react. Its knowing that every touch or comment could be your last, but you want to show them false optimism. I would give anything to have one normal day with her again, one day that isn't tainted with worry. Is she going to eat like she says that she is? Is she keeping it down or not? Is she bleeding again and not telling us? Just one normal day of hugging her and not feeling every bone in her body or worrying that you might break something just by squeezing a little too hard.

No one gets the picture perfect goodbye. Who would really want to? How would you feel if you had that chance and had to tell your Mom "Good-bye"? Good-bye is final, its the end. Its turning around and walking away and knowing that that thread is cut. Its severing ties. Its not a cheerful "Bye" from the phone, but a full understanding of completion.

I think that you not syaing goodbye to your Mom is more important. There is no ending to the love that you have for her, and she knew that. Now it isn't goodbye, but "see you when I get there". We all feel that our hugs and words mean so much and without them we wouldn't know that we were loved. The major good thing that has come out of this, is the fact that actions mean so much more. Intentions mean so much more.

Case in point, someone from AAA called Mike on his cell phone for roadside assistance. Mike hadn't called anybody, so he immediately thought that it was me. He called me immediately after getting on the phone to check and see if I was ok. Once again, not normal for someone who once claimed that he didn't love me.

These actions are what people see and know that they are loved. Your Mom knew that you loved her, and you Know that your Mom loved you. You don't need a goodbye, hun. My guess is is that you really don't feel that she's gone anyway.

*hugs* It seems like we can both cheer each other up:)
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: randomposting
2005-07-21 02:00 am (UTC)
You forgot to sign in!

I responded to the non-signed in one, though.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)