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Oh woe is you? [Jan. 30th, 2007|12:20 am]
[mood |soresore]
[music |Ferry 'Cross The Mersey - Gerry & The Pacemakers]


Talking Dogs. :) Especially listen to the evil cackle between seconds 13-15. Wow!!

And this was supposedly posted in some church newsletter. I mean, I don't doubt that there are churches that would post this, but you can't believe everything you see on the internet.

All the same... according to these guidelines, are you a goth?

--If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have
gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and
often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to
participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds
into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek
immediate attention through counseling, prayer, and parental guidance
to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the
following apply to your child:

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nail polish.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn
Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the
Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the
Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult,
witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to
vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may
speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are
but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask
your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Expresses an interest in sex.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene
immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within
it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your
local mental health center."

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[User Picture]From: adaveen
2007-01-30 02:19 pm (UTC)
I scored 17 - I guess I'm going to hell. My mommy should intervene. Or maybe my husband. Or my teenage kids should drag me to church.

"Count Chocula" - now THAT's priceless.
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2007-01-30 07:05 pm (UTC)
HAHA! I know! Count Chockula is totally my favorite, not gonna lie.

And that's right. To a nunnery with you... or something.. ;)
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[User Picture]From: vulcmoto
2007-01-30 02:39 pm (UTC)
I'm always amused at how paranoid churches are of anything different.
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2007-01-30 07:06 pm (UTC)
Fear is what keeps people in line.
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From: marlinder
2007-01-30 02:57 pm (UTC)
i think i need god.
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2007-01-30 07:06 pm (UTC)
Nothing wrong with that. :)

Depending onw hat way you're needin' him, I suppose.
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[User Picture]From: skafunkmelt
2007-01-30 03:04 pm (UTC)
I am pretty sure there's a cat version of that. It's equally creepy and entertaining. I think the only one that actually sounded like speaking to me was the dalmation.

Also, no wonder my friend's girlfriend called me a goth, I definitely match at least 11 of those. Seriously, some of those things are just normal things ppl do, I thought. Like, don't religious kids get bored?

When I was in high school, I went to youth group a couple of times with my friend. There were some nice ppl there, but seriously, when someone asked me what my interests were and I said, "Smashing Pumpkins" and she had never listened to them, my goodness, I wanted out of there. You see, Smashing Pumpkins were my Marilyn Manson. haha

Do you remember all those Jenny Jones' shows on ravers, club kids and goths? They were the best.
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[User Picture]From: skafunkmelt
2007-01-30 03:06 pm (UTC)
Oh, and...

My friend decided to dress me up. :)
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[User Picture]From: nonplussed
2007-01-30 03:14 pm (UTC)
Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.


i've seen this list before. actually, i think i posted in my LJ a few years ago. it's still hilarious.

i'm hella goth.
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2007-01-30 07:09 pm (UTC)
LOL! I just saw it for the first time a couple of weeks ago. I love it.
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[User Picture]From: cricketcat7
2007-01-30 03:24 pm (UTC)
Hahahahaha the last two.

After reading that, I have concluded that I must be part goth.
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2007-01-30 07:10 pm (UTC)
All nymphos are. ;)

That's why half the swingers I know are conservative Christians. HAHA!!
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[User Picture]From: poop_on_a_stick
2007-01-30 04:38 pm (UTC)
I'm a whiny goth fag! But.. we knew this before. Heh

My friend had this list, but there was more on it... and i just remember "Drinks the blood of christian babies" and how hard i laughed at it.
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2007-01-30 07:12 pm (UTC)
LOL! Wow.

I think that was added for humours sake.

I honestly didn't add anything to this. Posted it as I found it. Crazy!
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[User Picture]From: frontdoorangel
2007-01-30 04:51 pm (UTC)

Protecting our children from the Dark One.

Goth related food, SUCH a hazard. No more Count Chocula for my son. Next thing I know he might sacrifice the cats or something.
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2007-01-30 07:13 pm (UTC)

Re: Protecting our children from the Dark One.

Well yeah.

Cat meat tastes like chicken..

And cat blood tastes like the blood of Christ!
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[User Picture]From: noblestride
2007-01-30 06:28 pm (UTC)


Oh...my...god...I'M A SATANIST!!!

Someone please heal me of my sex craving, alcohol drinking, asprin popping ways!! My lack of desire in reading the Bible has led me down the Dark path! My occasional watching of cable TV and forsaking of purely christian music and channels as opened the gates of sin which have taken over my soul. My lack of sleep and instances of boredom have paved the way for the Hrned man to enter and take over my life!!!!!


That's not it at all...I'm just a college student... ;)
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2007-01-30 07:22 pm (UTC)

Re: I&#39;m a SATANIST

A College Student!?!

Don't you know those things are one in the same?

Especially if you're going to one of those bleeding heart liberal spewing red threat schools.
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[User Picture]From: zibacco
2007-01-30 06:58 pm (UTC)

I wish my dog said I love you, instead of "die human" all the time

When I wrote that checklist for my local church newsletter, I sincerely hoped I was doing the Lord's work. Sure I may have been overzealous, but you have to err on the side of caution with these things. Otherwise one day you come home and find little Susie and Bobbie dancing around the living room in nothing but goat leggings painting Satanic symbols in blood while preparing to sacrifice Grandma and reciting the Lord's prayer backwards.
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2007-01-30 07:23 pm (UTC)

Re: I wish my dog said I love you, instead of &quot;die human&quot; all the time


Oh my God.

You rock my world. Seriously. Every time.
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From: autumnfine
2007-01-30 07:13 pm (UTC)
LOL i might be the biggest goth in the world.
i loved the count chocula thing ahahahahahahahahah
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2007-01-30 07:23 pm (UTC)
HAHA! I know!!
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(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: randomposting
2007-01-30 08:25 pm (UTC)
Nice. ;)
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[User Picture]From: pith_stop
2007-01-30 08:16 pm (UTC)
Funny that they didn't mention sacking Rome as a warning sign! I should think there isn't a more clear indicator that your child is a Goth or a Vandal.
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2007-01-30 08:25 pm (UTC)


Yeah, I didn't compile the list. Just reposted it. ;)
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[User Picture]From: randomdan
2007-01-30 08:48 pm (UTC)
"-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this."

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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2007-01-30 08:50 pm (UTC)
I know! LOL! The best part.
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[User Picture]From: goodbyexxlove
2007-01-30 09:32 pm (UTC)
Oh, darn. I have over five, and I plan on being a youth pastor!

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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2007-01-30 09:42 pm (UTC)
Haha! Ruh-Roh!
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