did you hear the one about the monkeys? they went bananas!
;) Right in the same avenue. Nice.
ask me if I'm a truck driver.
Hey, are you a truck driver?
/braces for impact
Eve: "Did you hear the latest about Jane Simmons who lives over on the next block? "
Sheli: " No, what about her?"
Eve: "She had triplets. Then not two weeks later, she had twins."
Sheli: "That's Impossible.! How did it happen?"
Eve: "One of the triplets got lost."
....I could come up with hundreds of them...
A man runs into the doctors office and says "Doctor, I think I have a memory problem!"
The doctor replies "How long have you had the problem?"
Why did the bird go to the doctor?
2006-12-20 05:37 pm (UTC)
Lions, but no tigers or bears
Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.
The worst joke I know I learned from my Dad, but its incredibly misogynistic and about domestic abuse so I don't often repeat it.
2006-12-21 04:34 am (UTC)
Re: Lions, but no tigers or bears
-- well, now you just gotta. Go on. Do it!
Zoobilee Zoo! I used to watch this all the time when I was little. :)
I can't remember the set-up, but it's something like:
Q. What were the names of the fireman's two sons?
A. Jose and Hose B (josB?).
What's the difference between a camera and a sock?
A camera takes photos, and a sock takes five toes.
A bear walks into a bar, sits down and says, "I'll have a gin..................and tonic."
The bartender says, "Sure, but what's with the big pause?"
The bear looks back and shrugs, "I'm a bear!"
okay, so there's this guy and he's going diving for the first time. he asks his diving instructor if there will be any sharks in the water. the driving instructor says, "sure. but if you see one, just punch him in the nose and he'll swim away."
so the guy gets in the water and he's swimming around, and sure enough, a shark swims up to him. before he knows it, he's surrounded by six sharks. the guy takes a deep breath and punches the first shark in the nose.
the shark says, "dude, i wasn't going to eat you, but the guys are watching now."
i think my friends and i are the only ones who ever laugh at this...mostly because it's not really funny.
hehehe *giggle giggle*
no, it made me laugh.
What do you call it when I white horse falls in to the mud?
A dirty Joke.
Ah yes, Grieg's Peer Gynt Suite. Awesome.
I used to LOVE Zoobilee Zoo...major memories of 80s PBS and eating peanut butter sandwiches flooding back.
Why did the Turtle Cross the Road
To get to the Shell Station
*Scratches head - I wonder if they have Shell in the states*
2006-12-20 08:40 pm (UTC)
Yes, we have Shell stations in the states/
Cute joke too!!! lol
HAHAH that made my little cuzin groan with bad
what do you call a top of a coffee cup?
Yay! Glad to spread the groans.
A bear walked into a bar and demanded a beer. But the bartender said, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve beer to bears."
Then the bear said, "Give me a beer, you stupid idiot."
And the bartender said, "I'm sorry, we don't serve beer to rude bears."
Then the bear shouted, "GIVE ME A BEER, YOU STUPID IDIOT."
And the bartender said, "I'm sorry, we don't serve beer to rude, angry bears."
Then the bear said, "OK, if you don't give me a beer, I'm going to eat a CUSTOMER!"
But the bartender said, "Go ahead. I'm still not going to serve you."
So the bear went over to a woman in a red dress sipping her cocktail. He devoured her whole. Then he came back and said, "Right, you idiot, now give me a beer."
But the bartender said, "I'm sorry, we don't serve rude, angry bears that are on drugs."
The bear said, "Hey! I'm not on drugs!"
"Well," said the bartender, "you are now. That was the bar bitch you ate."
Oooh, you changed hte lion thing I was like "huh? " lol