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Happy Holidays. ;) - You don't know me. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
randomposting

[ website | The Realm of Randomia ]
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Happy Holidays. ;) [Dec. 25th, 2005|11:15 am]
randomposting
[mood |amusedamused]
[music |Christmas music.]

Doctors’ Notes
These are doctors' notes on patients' charts: (Actual notes - unedited)

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day, the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.

She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

The patient refused an autopsy.

The patient has no past history of suicides.

Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.

She is numb from her toes down.

While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

The skin was moist and dry.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her adult life, until she got a divorce.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.

Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
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Comments:
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[User Picture]From: reenie72
2005-12-25 09:30 am (UTC)
:D These are so great! Where did you find them?
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2005-12-25 06:24 pm (UTC)
I had them emailed to me from a friend. I have no idea where he found them. I loved them though, and had to share with ya'll. :)
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[User Picture]From: reenie72
2005-12-25 09:31 am (UTC)
Ha! I was first!
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2005-12-25 06:25 pm (UTC)
Yes, yes you were. ;)
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[User Picture]From: reenie72
2005-12-25 09:33 am (UTC)
Oh, yeah - merry Kwanz-Christmukkah!
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From: (Anonymous)
2005-12-25 04:01 pm (UTC)
Irene you ditz! thats my saying.. i still dont have a lj account.. this is laura btw..i bet u knew that formt he ditz comment... you left 3 comments you ditz!
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[User Picture]From: synthiacat
2005-12-25 09:33 am (UTC)
And these are the men and women we trust with our lives?
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2005-12-25 06:26 pm (UTC)
Yep. :)
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(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: randomposting
2005-12-25 06:26 pm (UTC)
Indeed.
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[User Picture]From: poop_on_a_stick
2005-12-25 12:15 pm (UTC)
circus sized...
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2005-12-25 06:27 pm (UTC)
Yeah! ;)
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[User Picture]From: chibi_kethry
2005-12-25 12:18 pm (UTC)
umm.... so that's what the dr's always scribbling when i'm talking to them.
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2005-12-25 06:27 pm (UTC)
Yep. LOL. :)
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[User Picture]From: icant_win
2005-12-25 12:49 pm (UTC)
Maybe its just illegible.


Merry Christmas!
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2005-12-25 06:28 pm (UTC)
Very well could be.

And Merry Christmas to you too!
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From: orygun_grown
2005-12-25 01:26 pm (UTC)
hah.
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2005-12-25 06:28 pm (UTC)
;)
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[User Picture]From: laweelli
2005-12-25 03:14 pm (UTC)
That's the best thing EVER.
I laughed so hard.
Merry Christmas!
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2005-12-25 06:29 pm (UTC)
I laughed really hard too. ;)

And Merry Christmas to you!
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[User Picture]From: et_blackbird
2005-12-25 05:13 pm (UTC)
I love it. It's easy to imagine the doctors, strung out on caffeine at the end of a double shift, trying to concentrate and losing it, combining thoughts and half-finished sentences. Freudian slips and short-cuts abound.

Of course, considering what else doctors have to do during their long shifts, that image is as disturbing as it is funny.

Thanks for sharing! I did laugh, and we all need a good laugh. Your journal has been a great place for finding thought-provoking and laughter-provoking ideas all year. Thank you. All the best for the Festive Season and for the New Year too!
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2005-12-25 06:31 pm (UTC)
It's a very funny (and yes scary ;) image. LOL.

And aww! I'm so glad! I love this place. I get to be in contanct with such awesome people.

You're awesome people. :)

Happy Holidays and have a glorious new year, my dear.
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[User Picture]From: starlit_picnic
2005-12-25 08:30 pm (UTC)
Well those just made me giggle.
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2005-12-25 08:31 pm (UTC)
I'm glad. ;)
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From: box_head_butch
2005-12-26 02:29 am (UTC)
havnt posted in a while but merry christmas, have a good one and eat and drink loads!
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2005-12-26 08:22 am (UTC)
Have a Merry Christmas yourself! :) I did both of those things, actually. hehe. I don't know when I'll be able to eat again and I have a headache. Whooops.
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[User Picture]From: xenaamazon
2005-12-26 09:20 am (UTC)

Awww :( :(

I have cold now. :( :(
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2005-12-26 09:21 am (UTC)

Re: Awww :( :(

Because of the Doctors?
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[User Picture]From: aurelias_roses
2005-12-27 12:12 pm (UTC)
On the second day, the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
Don't you see? It's MAGIC! MAGIC, I tell ya, MAGIC!


The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
See, those are tears of joy, not depression. But she's still depressed.

Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
Didn't you know? People need permission from God before they can be alive. Otherwise, you're illegally alive, and that's a SIN.

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
Mm, anorexia. Tastes good, actually.

She is numb from her toes down.
Well..it could be..like..the bottom of her feet..that's below her toes..isn't it?

Patient was alert and unresponsive.
That was his way of saying that the patient was ignoring him.


Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
If it were any paler, it would be invisible. And then we wouldn't know whether or not it's present.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
We really are very abnormal.
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[User Picture]From: randomposting
2005-12-27 01:29 pm (UTC)
Nice, fun, aren't they? :)
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